Humility and Meekness

I am in a refining period. This is a good thing, I did ask for it after all, but it is incredibly painful at some points. As I become more aware of my own sinful tendancies, I grow more and more dissatified with my current spiritual state. Now I realize that there is a time to look around and recognize how far I have come and to celebrate my successes, but this is not one of those times. This is a time to look at my life and say 'God, I want more! There has to be more than this, make me more like Jesus.'

I have been studying meekness and humility lately. They are two of my favorite characteristics of Jesus and they are some of the most valuable for us as Christians. In my searching I have come across a great definition of meekness. I don't have my reference handy, but I will give the definition as best I remember.

"Meekness stands in the middle of two extremes. One extreme is getting angry for no reason. The other extreme is never getting angry at all. Meekness takes into account the frailty of the individual and seeks repentance and restoration. Meekness is getting angry at the right time, in the right way and in the right measure."

Yeah, I can buy in to that. Cultivating meekness is not to go about being a doormat. Cultivating meekness is cultivating a spirit of wisdom, long-suffering, humility and righteousness. Cultivating meekness is learning when to leave things in God's hands and when to act in a very decisive manner - a manner that will show oneself or others the error of their ways and draw them back to Jesus in repentance. Meekness is really trusting God when He says, "It is mine to avenge. It is mine to repay." So much of my time and energy is spent defending my name, character and reputation. I constantly interject comments into conversation to quantify, qualify or interpret statements that I make. I want to persuade people to see me in the best light possible.

That all sounds fine until I start measuring my life to the life of Jesus. Jesus was so sure of himself and his position before his Father that he didn't need to go about defending the things he said. Jesus simply said the things that the Father wanted him to say, in the way in which God wanted him to say them, and let people deal with it in their own souls. When he was accused of immoral bahavior, he told stories which pointed out the intentions of those accusing him and how he had acted in accordance with God's will. He didn't do this often, only when he was publically challenged. Even then it was a rare occurance. When he was before Pilate, Jesus was completely silent. He could have spoken and aquitted himself for the case against him was weak. Instead, he remained silent and submitted himself to the will of his Father. He was obedient unto death.

That simply amazed me. How I long to be like that. I wante the daydreams of my heart, those things I think when no one is looking, to be about how I can glorify God. I want to daydream about how I can become less so that God can be more in me. I want to imagine ways in which I can submit myself to God's will so other people can see God clearly through me.

I am not at that point. I am not even close. But that is where my gaze is fixed. That is what I am aiming for. I want to be a tool God can use with joy. I want to be a tool that God wants to use again and again.

And so, Lord, my prayer is that You would continue this refining process in my life, that You would even accelerate it - that You would do more in a shorter amount of time than You had even planned. I want to partner with You. I want to submit to You. I want to be more like Your Son, Jesus. Amen