Self-Correction

One of the temptations I have when I am surrounded by like minded people is to not explain myself fully and to go from point to point with little in the way of transitions. This isn't so apparent when I write, but I notice the most when I am speaking and teaching. This tendency mostly stems from having so many conversations with people, that the points I make have become common knowledge, they have been said, repeated and explained so many times that further comment is unnecessary. In some regards, this is cool and it dramatically speeds up my teaching. In other regards, this is a problem because newer people to the community/teaching/group have a hard time catching up - they have difficulty connecting my points, they have other strongly held beliefs that keep them from understanding what I am saying, etc. This is what brings me to the point of this post.

I am going to make a concerted effort to explain myself more fully and to add in Bible references that support the things I say.

I am terrible at memory verses. I can quote you a verse almost verbatim (thank you God, mom and dad for giving me a near photographic auditory/visual memory) but I can't tell you where it comes from. Now I can see it on the page of my Bible, I can tell you what column, where it is approximately on the page, but telling you which chapter and verse is remarkably difficult. Because of this, I tend to omit references and rely upon the biblical knowledge of my readers. This is a poor habit for a bible teacher. And so, I want to apologize - I am sorry for not doing the leg work necessary in order to present things biblically, accurately and accessibly. It is my goal to improve this area of my teaching so that my students and readers will have the tools, resources and references necessary to study things out on their own.

I wanted to post this today because I realize that I say many things on this blog that I do not support with references. They are biblical and I believe them to be true, but I don't want you to believe them because I say them - I want you to see them in the Bible for yourself. This means I will revisit some posts, explain them more fully and ask for your feedback. I WANT YOU TO ASK ME QUESTIONS AND CHALLENGE ME! I need to see things from different angles, I need you to think critically and to challenge me. I need to refine my teaching material so that I can be the best I can be in equipping God's people for what is coming ahead. So there you have it, free reign to ask questions, challenge and critique. Thank you for taking it. :D I love you guys, thanks for reading.

Some clarity

Thankfully, some things are beginning to come into focus. The big picture is still blurry, but smaller details are becoming clear... let me explain.

My good friend and brother, Q, is leaving IHOPE to head down to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO. He has been offered a position there to start up a jail ministry with national potential and also be heavily involved in the African American Forerunner Alliance. That is fancy name to say that Q and his team will be working intensively with the black community to transform the culture from the inside out. This is a very exciting time for Q and his family and I am thrilled that God is opening such big doors for them.

I am also very sad because Q is a good friend to Amy and I. He has been a great mentor, leader and confidant and I am sorry to see him go. But I know that God has other things in store for IHOPE as well as for Amy and I. As I mentioned earlier, I don't know exactly how things will pan out, but it looks as though Amy and I will be part of the Senior Leadership Team which will give fuller purpose and expression to our core beliefs and values here at the House of Prayer. This is also very exciting, but also a little nerve wracking. However, I know that God is Good and He saw this coming a long, long time ago so I refuse to fret. Things will be tough, but they will work out and everything will be better off than it was before.

Thank you for your prayers and emails from yesterday's post. I really appreciate them and I was also able to get some ice cream. :D Love you all.

Come, Holy Spirit

I have been abnormally grumpy today. I am tried, restless and dry. The heavens seem like brass - it is impossible to pray, read the bible or focus on anything of any importance. This happens to me on a frustratingly regular basis and the best remedy I have found is journaling and/or eating an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Ice Cream was not an option today, so journaling it was.

As I was venting my frustrations, I found myself asking God a question: "Why am I so dead and dry?" Now, I wasn't really expecting an answer. I am fond of asking God rhetorical questions because it allows me to get stuff off of my chest without actually having to do anything to change. Perhaps you can relate.

I think God had finally had enough because He gave me a response that was disarmingly simply - "So you can easily be set on fire."

Gotcha. God 1, Ben 0.

Why is it I don't cry out with intensity until I suffer? Why do I wait until I am starving to ask for spiritual food? I don't do that in the natural. Most of my free time is spent thinking about food actually.

I need the "Desperation Factor" in my life. I hate it, but I need it. Now, if I were feeling particularly spiritual I would postulate a thought on Saint John of the Cross' "Dark Night of the Soul." But I am not feeling very spiritual and ice cream is still not an option. Damn.

And so, as always, my last choice should have been my first.

"Come Holy Spirit. I need your touch in my life. Set me ablaze. The fuel is ready, the fire is on You."

Transitions in the Desert

Amy and I are entering a new season of life. We don't know exactly what it looks like yet, but we can tell that God is on the move. Things are shaking up at IHOPE and the Vineyard is experiencing some really cool breakthroughs. I am excited for what is in store, but also a little leery.

Transitions are always the hardest point of any journey. Transitions are that middle ground where you have forgotten the excitement of starting a new thing and can't quite see the end. This is the place where people are most likely to fall and get discouraged. It is the time when people give up or give in.

Think of the Israelites in the desert. Leaving Egypt was great and the Promised Land was something to be excited for, but it was the blasted desert that gave them so much trouble! Wandering in the desert, feeling as though you are making no progress and are just doing the same thing day after day after day. It is a difficult time. The soul withers under those conditions even as the plants in the desert do. But I had a conversation recently that really gave me a new perspective.

I went to one of the local bars this week with the intent of talking to someone about Jesus. I had someone specific in mind, but he wasn't around, so I sat with a member of my congregation. He told me the most amazing story.

He told me of a pilgrimage he had taken from southern France through the mountains and into northern Spain. It was a 500 mile trip that he did in 5 weeks. He said the first two weeks were great. He was in the mountains, walking up and down, getting great views and always wondering what was over the next hill. He said that the last three weeks were terrible. Not just because he was tired, but because he was walking in the plains. Northern Spain is a large plateau, nothing but farm land cut with a few ravines. He likened it to walking through North Dakota. Having never been there I would liken it to driving through Nebraska - absolutely nothing.

There was nothing to see in the plains, precisely because he could see everything that was ahead. There was no mystery, no wonder, just walking. Lots and lots of walking. He said, "One day I got excited by a tree, another day by a pile of rocks. At least they were something to look at." But this man had learned to conquer the boredom, to press on through the weariness because he had learned an important lesson.

Every pilgrim faces a crisis at some point in their walk. For this man, it came at day 2. He crawled into the hostel at the end of the day totally beaten up. His body was unconditioned and he could hardly move. He was too tired to eat and so he thought he would take a nap. He did and woke up even sorer. He literally could not stand up. As he lay on his cot he wanted to give up. He thought to himself, "Maybe I can take the bus. Maybe I could ride a bike. Maybe I should just give up." He finally thought, "This is a pilgrimage, maybe I should pray." So he did. He asked God what he should do and the answer he got, in King James English (he was raised Baptist) was "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." What was that supposed to mean? He wanted something like the biblical equivalent of "The Little Engine that Could." What was he supposed to do with this.

Upon further meditation our pilgrim decided this. To think about Santiago, the end goal, was too overwhelming. To judge the success of his pilgrimage by how close he was to the end was not going to bode well for him. So, instead, he trusted the Lord's advice, "Each day has enough trouble of its own." Just worry about today, he thought. And so he did. Each day as he laced up his shoes he committed himself to doing everything that was in his power to do that day. If the day came that he couldn't continue, then so be it. But he did. He made the 500 mile trip with no detours and few companions. He was faithful to the day, faithful to the moment - which really brings me back to where I began.

Amy and I are in a season of transition. I don't know what the end result will be, but I know how to be faithful in the here and now. And so, I will be. I choose to be faithful and not worry about what I have no control over. I still hope and pray, but I will not be sidelined by my fears and anxiety. Each day has enough troubles on its own.

New Addition to the Family

Sorry mom, you are not a grandparent yet. But Amy and I are now the proud owners of a MacBook laptop! Yay! It is my hope and intention that this laptop will allow me to be more productive while I am at work and allow me to post more frequently on this blog. So, yay and happy birthday! Just wanted to let you know...